How to Cope with Being Different

Dear all,

Hope everyone is doing great :) I have not written in a month, oh dear. Did not realise how time flies!
Today I am randomly choosing a topic, something that I thought everyone can relate in some way. Everyone is different and unique to some extent. Everyone can and may feel different from everyone else, be it something you can physically see or you cannot see. The physical difference is immediately apparent but there are many other things that are not. It is sometimes these unseen differences that are of greater concern because they cannot be seen immediately and dealing with it can also be tricky. The good thing is that people do not see these differences and you can easily blend in a group that are completely different to you.

Did you know that feeling different from the rest normally occurs to people who are mixed-blooded? If your parents are from a different tribe or race, chances of the child feeling different are high. If the parents are from different countries, the likelihood is even higher. I fall into the category of the latter. I never felt like I completely fit in anywhere I go. When I am with people on my mum's side, there are things I can immediately feel I fit in and some I cannot. Malaysians tend to make harsher jokes whereas I find Persian people more polite and hospitable. Then when I am with people on my dad's side, those things that I felt I did not relate with mum's side are no longer an issue. But then, those things I can relate with the Malaysian side of me like enjoying spicy food are completely foreign and alien to my dad's side. I felt so happy to connect with people who finally I can relate to things that I did not before. The thing is that I live in the country on my mum's side and see people on my dad's side very rarely. Life can feel very interesting when you know that half of who you are belongs to a completely different part of the world and it makes you want to discover it more. This is how I feel different. You may feel different in ways I never thought of. In the end, we all want to find common ground and it is crucial to know how to deal with those differences.

I had a chat with a colleague the other day who is half Chinese and half Malay. She felt the same. Hard to relate with either side of the family and not a strong sense of belonging with either community.  Everyone is different and deals with things differently. Here I will share some ways on how to deal with feeling different:

• Find common ground and similarity with the other person.
• Focus on the similarity, not the differences.
• Acknowledge that everyone in the world is different. Embrace the differences. Differences are what makes people complement each other. I would not want to be with a guy who is completely like me. I would want him to be able to do what I cannot or not good at doing.
• Be open-minded and try to understand others.
• Believe that essentially, most people have good intentions. They just convey it differently.
• Embrace your differences and make that your strength.
• Love yourself for who you are. Never change that.
• Improve social skills. Feeling different is always due to that feeling related to comparison with others. Knowing how to socialise best with people will help you combat any awkward feelings related to your differences.
• Stay confident. Nobody is perfect. Your differences do not make you a lesser person.
• Stay true to yourself. People are always ashamed of being different and try to blend in with others. Avoid this if you can. I know in certain circumstances you need to but in most, you do not.
• Be kind, spread kindness and you will feel it coming back to you.
• Know that being different is what makes you special.
• Make effort to learn and understand others' differences so you have a better perspective on differences and aware that it is not only you alone experiencing it. People often feel like a loner when they think they are the only one experiencing it.
• Connect with others that feel the same as you.
• Being different is no big deal. I used to feel it much more amplified before because I did not even speak Malay much when I was younger. Now it feels less of an issue (although I could not be bothered by people commenting that my Malay has an English accent-whatever la haha)
• Accept who you are if you want people to accept you. 

Focusing on my differences took a toll on me before and affected my confidence. That was 10-15 years ago when I was younger. Now, I accept who I am and do not try to change myself. I only improve where ever needed and believe that for me to build close good relationships, people should also accept me for who I am. There is a saying by Stephanie Skov that goes, 'I used to walk into a room thinking if they like me. Now, I wonder if I like them'. I follow her on Instagram and can relate to her thoughts quite well ;) On a different note, I like her because she appears genuine, kind-hearted, motivated, driven and pretty too! All my goals hehe. She also reminds to dress to impress. Beauty and dressing up has gone up my priority list in 2018. Before I was focusing on studying so not much focus on this. Now I am starting my career in the corporate world, I <3 dressing up and putting on makeup, baby. My favourite part of getting ready in the morning. Makes me more motivated to start the day.

Have a beautiful week. Wish me luck for an important meeting tomorrow and also hosting another event this Thursday. I did not expect that but got a high priority request from the big boss to help with this urgently so I took up the challenge. Pray for me that all goes well.

Lots of love,

XOXO

Hugs and muah