Today I was thinking of writing a motivational article and thought of something that might be useful or relatable to many people and that is 'Forgiveness'. This topic is linked to the relationship with people and all of us encounter people in our daily lives, its inevitable. You meet family, friends, colleagues, shopkeepers, your boss or teacher or even simply a passerby who you have never known or met before. Upon interaction with other people, there is a tendency or likelihood to be hurt at any point of your life. It could be by someone you barely even know or somebody close whom you trust. In either situation, both would be hurtful and depending on the situation, could affect you in one way or another, physically or emotionally.
It is near impossible to change people. Sometimes you wonder why do they say that, why did they do this, why didn't they do that or why me or what did I do wrong or why does it always have to happen again or do they not understand and on and on. Words can be very hurtful, more than you can imagine like a sharp sword piercing through your heart and certain unreasonable actions can be very unbearable. It can be so hurtful that at times, the pain can turn into anger. And the anger can turn into revenge and hate. Hatred turns into ill feelings and rude actions which then in turn makes ourselves look bad. The best way to overcome this is not by expecting people to change no matter how much you are convinced you did nothing wrong. Expecting people to change or to act differently can add to your hurt when you do not receive what you expect.
As I was browsing in the Popular bookstore in the Self-Help and Motivation section, I came across the bookshelf with all the Chicken Soup for the Soul series and found this- The Power of Forgiveness.
I have been catching up with friends and speaking to people regarding some of their problems and I realised to main ones are first, involving relationship with people, hurtful feelings and second, worry about the future and what it holds. These are normal feelings for young adults who are transitioning from teenage life to adulthood. We are somewhere in the middle of being a child and a full grown-up so there are changes taking place, more responsibilities and differences that can be difficult for us to get used to at first. In this article, I am focusing more on the first issue.
I strongly suggest this book to anyone who feels that they have been hurt by somebody, whoever it may be. This book is suitable for young adults, adults and even the elderly or teenagers. It shares with you stories of people who have been hurt, maybe worse than you. It makes you realise that there are many people encountering similar situations as you and you can read how they dealt with it and make their positive perspective an example for yourself.
So far, the stories in that book has made me realise that some people hurt or dislike you for no reason or for their own selfish reasons. You do not feel disheartened as long as you are kind and have done what you need to do. Its impossible to make everyone happy but you can try- if you try and it does not work, do not give up. Continue being the nice you but protect yourself as well by knowing your boundaries. Some of these toxic people are people you can stay away from but sometimes it is your own family and that is when it gets tricky because you still need to meet them and respect especially if they are older.
Sometimes, its someone you love and trust and because of a difficult situation, that person changed. They are too engrossed in their own problems that they neglect their responsibilities and show a negative attitude. Once again, its not your fault but the most you can do is be nice and maybe try to ask if there is something you can help. Some people act different to gain attention so perhaps you showing some concern can actually improve the situation.
Stay confident and ask yourself if you have done anything wrong. The first step would be to apologise if you think you may have hurt the person. Otherwise, you can make some small initiatives by creating conversations or giving small gifts. Even if there are misunderstanding, some kind gestures, words and actions can help clear out the negativity and create a fresh start. People are not good at admitting their mistakes so bear in mind that it is not always your fault. And at the same time, even if it is not you at fault, do not be too ego to be the strong one and take the first step especially if this is someone you care about and want to keep the friendship or need to maintain a good relationship.
Apologise if you really mean it and actions speak louder than words. As much as its kind to apologise easily to people. Excessive apologetic remarks in my opinion is questionable. I only apologise if I have done something wrong or if I am worried I offended someone. And I am thankful for people who constantly find it easy to say a simple sorry. However, when someone hurts me and then says sorry but show minimal actions to reflect the act of being sorry, then it is the same as not saying sorry at all to me. On a different note, after being sincerely sorry, people should find it easy to forgive. It takes a lot of courage to say sorry for something big or offensive. So when somebody says it to you, appreciate it and let go of any hard feelings, Imagine how that person has put aside their ego for the sake of saying the simple 5-lettered word to you. Someone people will hurt you and never say sorry but will show in actions that they are sorry. Be open and accepting to those you care.
I honestly love people around me, my family and friends and sincerely apologise if I have ever hurt anyone intentionally or non-intentionally. In a busy world where everyone is occupied with their own problems, maintaining a good relationship can be challenging but I am positive with effort and good intentions on both sides, it is certainly possible.
3 things to remember, be positive, be thankful and be patient. People act sometimes in the weirdest ways but when they come to their senses, they will realise who was sincere and kind to them.
Besides, you have your life to live, existing people who appreciate you and new adventures to look forward to. As imperfect life can be, there are many beautiful things about life and perspective is a very important factor in staying happy with yourself and your life.
Sweet day everyone, take care :)