Dealing with Peer Pressure
REPOST from 18 MARCH 2013
Thank you Khidir for sharing a common problem that many people face and that's why I decided to write a blog post on this topic as I'm sure that many people out there are facing a similar problem .
Its really good that you're open about this and willing to change. You know that what you're doing is wrong and you're seeking improvement.. That is one step towards success already.
The only way to deal with peer pressure is SELF-DISCPLINE. Have your own principle in life and be confident when you do good things and work towards achieving what you want in life. When you think back at your main purpose of going to college, is it to enjoy campus life? Did your parents spend thousands of dollars to make sure you enjoy campus life alone? Did they take care of you well, raised you with good moral values and pray everyday for your success to see you party with your friends all night? Are you sure that this is what you want in life? Its ok I understand that enjoying life is part of college. I'm a teenager myself and one of my goals during SPM was to enjoy my last year of school too ;) Its good that you're seeking a solution because we always need to talk and discuss in order to solve problems.
The thing is that you need to have a strong stand. Remember your purpose and your will. I'm sure you have an ambition right? Have you tried posting a paper on your wall and writing down all your goals for 2013? Wake up each morning and read it. Be motivated when you start your day. Be more energetic whenever you feel down. Remember that I have a purpose being here in college. I want to have a good future ahead of me and help my family. If you're a guy, then you will think of settling down and provide the best for your future wife and children. What happens if you fail in college then you need to start all over again? All your future plans will change and you might start working late, get a job promotion late and finish studying late. Whenever something tries to sway you away from your main aim in college, think of this and return to being focus.
I know that sometimes when all our friends are doing something in common, we feel left out and afraid that they might not accept us if we don't do the same. Choose the right friends. Who says that you can't be popular or known if you don't hang out with the popular group? True friends will accept you the way you are and respect your goals and ambitions. Yes, friends can advise each other but I am no hypocrite. If I don't like the way somebody behaves, I'm not going to pretend to be friends with them. You can choose who you want to be friends with. Good friends will motivate you and make you happy and confident of yourself. You won't feel afraid to be yourself or afraid of being criticized because they will not embarrass you or belittle you in front of people. They keep your secrets and when somebody tries to make you look bad or talk bad about you, they will stand up for you. Ok I'm sure its time to give examples or else you might get bored reading. When I just started high school, the popular girls approached me and asked me to join their gang. They told me I had the 'package' but they asked me to show them first that I was more perky (gedik). I may be giddy at times but I am not pretentious or an attention seeker. Learn to live as an individual, not as a part of a gang. Yes, you need confidence to do that but slowly you definitely can. I may cheerlead once upon a time but cheerleader attitude is definitely not in my dictionary. Yes, people may not accept you at first but in the end you will find true ones that really do rather than fake ones that just come and go.
During those early period of times when I felt alone, I just studied hard and worked on my self-development. I just thought of building my confidence and working on anything that I am good at. Its painful at first but definitely worth the sacrifice. Let them call me nerd or anything they like because in the end when I graduated from high school, it was me who gained the honour and respect from the Principal and the media and most importantly, my parents and family that mean the most to me and to all these wonderful people I met and am meeting now speaking to me on my blog. And yes when you start to study, some people will feel intimidated and will say things like "nerd" or anything to make you stop studying because they are afraid that you may out-compete them. They are jealous and do not want to see you more successful than they are. Prove them wrong. I know I'm not a nerd although I like wearing glasses and used to wear braces. Braces is for beauty. What in the world are they talking about? I don't know its just my nature that I make sure I don't attract people too much. Imagine me wearing jeans and a top and having a creepy guy stop me on the street and say "You look sweet." Not to mention that I was alone and he followed me but I didn't look back until I was sure he was gone. I cant imagine myself wearing a mini skirt or something ultra-sexy. I like wearing glasses although many people have tried to persuade me to wear contact lense because they say I look better. However, yesterday I was at PWTC and this tall guy in a black suit suddenly came up and told me " You look pretty with glasses." That was the first time ever in my life somebody added the -with glasses part. I mean its clear that people generally think that without glasses make you look prettier but there are exceptions. You just gotta be confident in your own skin and whatever you decide to do. Whether people accept it or not, you can think of that later and those who really love you will definitely will :)
Peer pressure is something almost everybody faces. Its normal and you'll get through it. Just one reminder. You are a human, not a robot. Don't let other people control you. If you know you're suppose to study then do what's right. If they joke about you just laugh along. There's no need to be too serious or tensed up about it. You're just studying, not signing a declaration letter to ditch them forever.
Speaking of which I just remembered. I actually understand your situation very well because I am not usually surrounded by people who study all the time. In fact, I'm the only one in the family apart from my dad that carries books when I travel or studies in the car on exam day. I'll be honest and most of my very close friends are not the study hard type. Some are smart, some are average, some don't even like to study. And I'm fine with that. We're friends not because we both spend time sitting and reading together but because we have a mutual understanding and because I want to be friends with people who have a good heart, despite they are smart or not. That's where the value of a person lies in. To me, it is not necessary for a person to have the same personality as you in order for them to understand you and be good friends. It does help a little but it's much more than that. Having a sister who is different from how I am but at the same time, she is the person I trust the most made me understand this situation better. What I'm trying to say is that if they are really good friends, then keep them but make sure you study and let them know that clearly. If not, request for a change in room with new people. Ask to be excused politely with the reason that your parents asked you to do so or its nearer/ cheaper. Find some reason to explain. If they are not good influence, then I say you should not risk your future staying in that room.
Like I said it depends and only you know best :) Oh and do you want to know something funny? When I entered college, I had my high school best friend join in the same intake as me. When she introduced me to my new college friends, I was so shocked when she said a few things about me and ended the sentence by saying " She's cool just don't disturb her when she is studying." I can't believe she said that omg!!! I never ever tell people directly that they'e disturbing me when I study. I think close friends understand you better sometimes. Maybe its my body language or something, I never realised that. You see what I mean? I love her a lott and my close friends are very clear that study-time is crucial time for me. I can be happy, joyful anything you call me but I'm serious when I study I guess ;)
Before I end this post, I just want to make sure that all of you reading this at least got some answers to whatever problem you are going through. I share my life experience instead of just narrating so that you will understand that other people face it too. Just like how I enjoy reading Chicken Soup books because I get to read people's real life experiences, I hope you enjoyed and gained something from reading this. Here's a book I recommend I just bought this:
Read Chicken Soup books, they are very good motivation! Recommended series:
Think Positive
The Power of Positive
Find Your Happiness
Tough Times for Teens
In response to Khidir
16 Mar 13, 11:43 PM
khidir: hi sis meen. can u gv me some advice and suggestion to make my mood study bcoz i always cant study when i tell to myself tat today i gonna study. tis happen bcoz of my roomates.
16 Mar 13, 11:51 PM
khidir: actually my room is a place tat we call it HQ for hangout,enjoy ourself,happy hour and many more during our leisure time. so every night we always do tis.
16 Mar 13, 11:55 PM
khidir: so i cant study. tis is bcoz during i made revision i will join tis group and waste my time. many time i try to avoid it but i cant make it. so i need ur advice sis to improve my life in campus.
khidir: i really hope u can help me for some advice. thank you.
khidir: i really hope u can help me for some advice. thank you.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Thank you Khidir for sharing a common problem that many people face and that's why I decided to write a blog post on this topic as I'm sure that many people out there are facing a similar problem .
Its really good that you're open about this and willing to change. You know that what you're doing is wrong and you're seeking improvement.. That is one step towards success already.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The only way to deal with peer pressure is SELF-DISCPLINE. Have your own principle in life and be confident when you do good things and work towards achieving what you want in life. When you think back at your main purpose of going to college, is it to enjoy campus life? Did your parents spend thousands of dollars to make sure you enjoy campus life alone? Did they take care of you well, raised you with good moral values and pray everyday for your success to see you party with your friends all night? Are you sure that this is what you want in life? Its ok I understand that enjoying life is part of college. I'm a teenager myself and one of my goals during SPM was to enjoy my last year of school too ;) Its good that you're seeking a solution because we always need to talk and discuss in order to solve problems.
The thing is that you need to have a strong stand. Remember your purpose and your will. I'm sure you have an ambition right? Have you tried posting a paper on your wall and writing down all your goals for 2013? Wake up each morning and read it. Be motivated when you start your day. Be more energetic whenever you feel down. Remember that I have a purpose being here in college. I want to have a good future ahead of me and help my family. If you're a guy, then you will think of settling down and provide the best for your future wife and children. What happens if you fail in college then you need to start all over again? All your future plans will change and you might start working late, get a job promotion late and finish studying late. Whenever something tries to sway you away from your main aim in college, think of this and return to being focus.
I know that sometimes when all our friends are doing something in common, we feel left out and afraid that they might not accept us if we don't do the same. Choose the right friends. Who says that you can't be popular or known if you don't hang out with the popular group? True friends will accept you the way you are and respect your goals and ambitions. Yes, friends can advise each other but I am no hypocrite. If I don't like the way somebody behaves, I'm not going to pretend to be friends with them. You can choose who you want to be friends with. Good friends will motivate you and make you happy and confident of yourself. You won't feel afraid to be yourself or afraid of being criticized because they will not embarrass you or belittle you in front of people. They keep your secrets and when somebody tries to make you look bad or talk bad about you, they will stand up for you. Ok I'm sure its time to give examples or else you might get bored reading. When I just started high school, the popular girls approached me and asked me to join their gang. They told me I had the 'package' but they asked me to show them first that I was more perky (gedik). I may be giddy at times but I am not pretentious or an attention seeker. Learn to live as an individual, not as a part of a gang. Yes, you need confidence to do that but slowly you definitely can. I may cheerlead once upon a time but cheerleader attitude is definitely not in my dictionary. Yes, people may not accept you at first but in the end you will find true ones that really do rather than fake ones that just come and go.
During those early period of times when I felt alone, I just studied hard and worked on my self-development. I just thought of building my confidence and working on anything that I am good at. Its painful at first but definitely worth the sacrifice. Let them call me nerd or anything they like because in the end when I graduated from high school, it was me who gained the honour and respect from the Principal and the media and most importantly, my parents and family that mean the most to me and to all these wonderful people I met and am meeting now speaking to me on my blog. And yes when you start to study, some people will feel intimidated and will say things like "nerd" or anything to make you stop studying because they are afraid that you may out-compete them. They are jealous and do not want to see you more successful than they are. Prove them wrong. I know I'm not a nerd although I like wearing glasses and used to wear braces. Braces is for beauty. What in the world are they talking about? I don't know its just my nature that I make sure I don't attract people too much. Imagine me wearing jeans and a top and having a creepy guy stop me on the street and say "You look sweet." Not to mention that I was alone and he followed me but I didn't look back until I was sure he was gone. I cant imagine myself wearing a mini skirt or something ultra-sexy. I like wearing glasses although many people have tried to persuade me to wear contact lense because they say I look better. However, yesterday I was at PWTC and this tall guy in a black suit suddenly came up and told me " You look pretty with glasses." That was the first time ever in my life somebody added the -with glasses part. I mean its clear that people generally think that without glasses make you look prettier but there are exceptions. You just gotta be confident in your own skin and whatever you decide to do. Whether people accept it or not, you can think of that later and those who really love you will definitely will :)
Peer pressure is something almost everybody faces. Its normal and you'll get through it. Just one reminder. You are a human, not a robot. Don't let other people control you. If you know you're suppose to study then do what's right. If they joke about you just laugh along. There's no need to be too serious or tensed up about it. You're just studying, not signing a declaration letter to ditch them forever.
Speaking of which I just remembered. I actually understand your situation very well because I am not usually surrounded by people who study all the time. In fact, I'm the only one in the family apart from my dad that carries books when I travel or studies in the car on exam day. I'll be honest and most of my very close friends are not the study hard type. Some are smart, some are average, some don't even like to study. And I'm fine with that. We're friends not because we both spend time sitting and reading together but because we have a mutual understanding and because I want to be friends with people who have a good heart, despite they are smart or not. That's where the value of a person lies in. To me, it is not necessary for a person to have the same personality as you in order for them to understand you and be good friends. It does help a little but it's much more than that. Having a sister who is different from how I am but at the same time, she is the person I trust the most made me understand this situation better. What I'm trying to say is that if they are really good friends, then keep them but make sure you study and let them know that clearly. If not, request for a change in room with new people. Ask to be excused politely with the reason that your parents asked you to do so or its nearer/ cheaper. Find some reason to explain. If they are not good influence, then I say you should not risk your future staying in that room.
Like I said it depends and only you know best :) Oh and do you want to know something funny? When I entered college, I had my high school best friend join in the same intake as me. When she introduced me to my new college friends, I was so shocked when she said a few things about me and ended the sentence by saying " She's cool just don't disturb her when she is studying." I can't believe she said that omg!!! I never ever tell people directly that they'e disturbing me when I study. I think close friends understand you better sometimes. Maybe its my body language or something, I never realised that. You see what I mean? I love her a lott and my close friends are very clear that study-time is crucial time for me. I can be happy, joyful anything you call me but I'm serious when I study I guess ;)
Before I end this post, I just want to make sure that all of you reading this at least got some answers to whatever problem you are going through. I share my life experience instead of just narrating so that you will understand that other people face it too. Just like how I enjoy reading Chicken Soup books because I get to read people's real life experiences, I hope you enjoyed and gained something from reading this. Here's a book I recommend I just bought this:
Read Chicken Soup books, they are very good motivation! Recommended series:
Think Positive
The Power of Positive
Find Your Happiness
Tough Times for Teens
Comments
Post a Comment