What I Learned from Yasmin Mogahed's Talk

Today I went to Matrade with my sister for Yasmin Mogahed's Talk titled 'A Sacred Conversation'. This was my first time attending a talk by her in Malaysia :) The last time I listened to her talk was in London last May. I like her talks, her humour and the message she conveys, it's truly inspiring and a good reminder. I feel that sometimes when I attend a talk, I hear repeatedly things I already know so it becomes a reminder and at the same time, I also hear new things and new perspectives/opinions. I like attending these events for spiritual reasons and also to improve myself, learn new things and become a better person insyaAllah.

So while it's all fresh in my mind, I am going to share a few things here that I feel most people will benefit. I have got my little elephant notebook next to me which I used to take notes today :) It was like a 4 to 5-hour talk with lots of Q&A sessions. I liked hearing the questions people were asking as I could relate to some of them, sharing sessions are always great. If you have got any comment or further questions regarding the points I will be sharing, feel free to drop a comment or email me directly, I'll try to elaborate as much as I can:)

Believing in God

• Everyone has a Lord and worships something, be it God, desire, power, money, status, family, themselves, beauty, what others think, their child, a celebrity, etc
• When you worship something, you will do anything for that you worship and you will be a slave to that which you worship. 
• The core of your heart is designed for Allah and to love Allah only. You can love all of the above but do not put those at the centre of your heart, else you will be easily hurt. 
• Make Allah the centre of your life and all the others will fall into place. 
• Human beings love perfection because their soul and heart are designed to love Allah who is perfect. Heaven is perfect so loving beauty, perfection, etc is our soul missing the perfection in Heaven.
• Allah gives you all the things in life, your family, your health, your wealth, your intelligence, your children. Do not love the gift more than the Giver.

Marriage and Relationships with People

• Know your priorities in marriage. A happy marriage requires the married couple to give each other their rights. Do not make children the priority above the spouse. Each member of the family has their own rights. Often, a broken marriage is caused by a woman over-prioritising the children and neglecting the husband. Another reason is the husband being dissatisfied and unappreciative of the wife and engaging in secret relationships. There are many other reasons but these are the main reasons. In both cases, these are wrong. A husband and wife should always renew their love for each other, get a babysitter sometimes and spend quality time with each other. 
• Have time for yourself, even after marriage. Once you have children, your duty is not only as a mum. Love yourself, do things you love, remember to care for your husband and have time for him, do not lose yourself after marriage and dedicate your entire life just for your children.
• Often a mom makes her son the Sun and her world revolves around the Sun. This will make the son grow up being a mommy's boy, thinking that the world revolves around him. He starts to become a narcissist and unresponsible or selfish. It will affect the son's future relationship with the wife, etc and does not create the important qualities of a man.
• When in the plane, the steward/stewardess often asks us during the safety briefing to put on our mask before helping others. Remember to help yourself before helping others. In order to take care of your family, husband, etc, you must take good care of yourself.
• If your partner treats you in a violent, unfair or bad way, do not accept it. Speak out and be vocal. Do not let anyone treat you in a bad way and do not accept bad treatment from anyone. Do what you can within your capability to change it or make it stop. Accepting bad treatment lowers your self-worth and will make your children or people around you think that it is OK to treat you that way. Stand up for yourself. (LittleMissMeen says: Say no to bullies! Being accepting has its limit, say no to whatever you are uncomfortable with. Nobody deserved to be pushed around. Stand up for yourself. What goes around, comes around so be careful how you treat people.)
• If you stop communicating with people, you grow apart. It is the same when communicating with God. Make prayers and have conversations with Him. You cannot hear Him directly but He will put an assurance in your heart and positive thoughts in your mind and sometimes you even see your prayers being answered if not immediately but at some other stage in life. 

Social Media (hot topic)

• Social media portrays life as perfect and many people are putting on a show to make people think that everything in their life is perfect. 
• Some people use social media to fill a void they have inside for acceptance and approval.
• A new culture has aroused and that is the obsession with beauty and appearance as a consequence of the social media culture. This only shifts our focus on what really matters, not the virtual life..
• It is OK to be fashionable and looking beautiful etc as long as it does not become our focal point in life. 
• What you focus on, grows. Choose your focus wisely. 
• Advertising your blessings result in 1) misalignment on what matters most and 2) inferiority whereby some people out there who do not have what you have will feel that they are not good enough. Those who already have a lot will compare themselves with those who are better, happier, richer, prettier and always feel insufficient to stand out. This is so unhealthy. 
• Do not compare your lives with filtered lives on social media.
• Everyone who is blessed can be envied by people out there to be subtle and discrete of your blessings. It does not mean you have evil people on your social media but even a good person is a human. And it is human nature to have feelings of jealousy or feeling inferior. People should avoid being jealous by all means and people should also be considerate of others who may be in a disadvantaged situation compared to you. It is not a white and black situation but a very grey area. It is common to feel happy upon any good news but also being considerate to others. The examples Yasmin Mogahed gave are like a mother sharing good news on her newborn baby. There may be someone on her social media who cannot get children and yes they may be happy for that person but it can also make her feel down for not being able to get the gift of children. Another example is a happy couple often sharing too many details of their happy marriage. It could be that someone on their social media just got a divorce or who do not have a partner. Of course, they are happy but if it is something the person wished for so badly, it can arise some sad or negative feelings. The point here is to be discrete of your blessings, not riak (showing off) to an extent it will negatively affect others. 

(LittleMissMeen says: I have lots of things to say about this and I will elaborate on a separate post but essentially I feel that your intention of sharing what you share is important. If you think it will motivate or benefit others, that is an excellent share. If it is just you sharing your life events/interesting things you so people are updated on where you are in life and you think people will be interested to do/go to then that is a good share. If it is just you sharing for fun in your free time then that is an OK share, neutral share. But if it is you sharing to show off and for any other reasons to make others feel inferior then that is a negative share. At times you do not even intend the last reason but people feel inferior due to their own insecurity, then let them unfollow you. Do not feel offended when they unfollow or do not follow you back, it is for both of your own good. You can do your part to avoid shoving things in people's face unnecessarily and also not feel jealous too easily. This will avoid unnecessary social media tension. When I was overseas, I enjoyed sharing because I felt the interaction with the people who are distant or who are not present at that moment. Likes, comments or direct messages can be created by sharing, there is something to talk about and that is the thing you shared. When I return home, it creates that interaction with friends or people who are not in my home country and all parts of the world now that we have gone separate ways. So, people have different reasons for sharing. I personally think I do not share too much but I share more than the people I am close to. Two people in my life who I love a lot do not even have Instagram hehe and they are against publicising private life too much. I feel it too, some people are merely showing off too much and when it gets too excessive, you can unfollow or unfriend. It is really easy. Or better some just do not have social media. Saves all the trouble. Do what you feel is right. What works for one may not work for others and people are all different :)

Guide to Building a Relationship with Allah

This is a prescription on how to make Allah the centre of your life and filling the centre of your heart with the love of Allah only. These are also ways that you can implement to lead a happy life and positive about any trials or tribulations you may face. It is all a matter of perspective and having a good relationship with God improves that perspective. 

1) Solat (prayers)

Prayers in Islam is like the oxygen of the soul. On the Day of Judgement, it is the first thing that will be questioned. The body will leave us one day but the heart and soul stay forever. Fill your soul with goodness. Put some time aside for the daily prayers and concentrate when you pray or try to understand the arabic meanings of what you recite in prayers.

2) Zikir and doa (praise of Allah)

There are short prayers for everything, for eating, sleeping, travelling, intimacy, entering the toilet that you can say briefly before doing. However, Yasmin Mogahed emphasised that if there are 3 doas you would apply daily they are:
a) morning doa as soon as you wake up

b) evening doa (ideally between Maghrib and Asr or during Maghrib)

c) doa before sleeping

Three Important Zikirs:

a) Istighfar

b) Lahaulawallahkuwataillahbillah...

c) Selawat to Prophet

Istighfar 100x a day opens a way from every difficulty, gives provision from places we never imagined and prevents depression/anxiety. 

The second zikir is considered the treasures of Heaven and helps you find a solution when you have a problem. 

Salawat will make you receive syafaat insyaAllah in DOJ.

3) Quran

Last but not least is the Quran. Recitation and understanding the meaning. Taking lessons from stories of the past and applying the teachings in the Quran are all essential in developing a good relationship with the Creator. It is not to do too much that you are not capable of. Do the wajib things then do what you can but be consistent. These 3 things mentioned will help you handle life better, protects you from a lot of harm and builds a healthy mind, heart and relationships around you. 

• Nothing is easy if done by yourself. Nothing is difficult if done by Allah. 
• When you make doa, remember to ask for EASE and help
• Seek inspirations of stories in the past of the amazing people who stood up for Islam
• Ask Allah to give you strength to always stand up for justice
• Forgive the past but work to change the future.
• Be the change you want to see in the world. You can only change yourself and not others.

Questions asked by the audience: 

There were like more than 10 questions asked and Yasmin provided long and complete answers for each one. I did not ask any questions as I was busy writing notes and wanted to give others who were already in the line. I did not have any specific questions so it was nice to listen. I am sharing just a few questions which I wrote most notes on. 

#1 Why do I make prayers but my life is not perfect?

Yasmin Mogahed answered: Life is not perfect. Only Heaven is perfect. The world is designed in a way that there is no perfection. Many things are flawed and there is no such thing as being problem-free. What we can ask of Allah is for ease and not for perfection. Ask for the ability to cope internally and for Allah to not test us with heavy trials but light things. 

(LittleMissMeen says: Essentially this life is temporary. After-life is forever. Working towards building a good and blessed life in this world will create an eternal, happy life in the hereafter. Heaven is beautiful, no sickness, no mean people or negativity, no dying, only happy vibes and perfect things, everything we ever wished for, yummy food and rivers that we can drink from, anything we ask for will be granted, everyone will be purified before entering so nobody will have ill thoughts, wow....We will be accounted for what we do but the truth is none of us is perfect. As long as we strive to become better each day or improve ourselves, insyaAllah our path to Heaven will be eased and we will all be united there in the afterlife. Oh gosh...this is so deep but it is true. I believe this. It can be hard to take in for some people but life and death will happen and there is nothing that we can do about it but prepare for it and do good in the world for a better future/investment later on).

#2 How do I deal with ego and how can I improve myself in that aspect?

Answer: This is once again human nature but not a good trait to have. It can be syaitan making you feel that you are better than others and ways to overcome this are:

a) Fasting can tame the ego. Practice consistent fasting outside Ramadan like Mon and Thurs. Remind yourself less of the physical needs and more of the spiritual needs.

b) Tame other desires like excessive speech. Be more conscious of what you say to others. Controlling the tongue us a major purification and practising silence in certain situations will allow us to tame our desires.

c) Control the eyes and heart. If the heart and intentions are set right, it will purify the whole body and improve the way we view the world. All that you take in from the eyes go to the heart. Ensure you see good things and this brings us back to the social media platform. Unfollow what is negative or bad. Do not be afraid to do what is best for you with good intentions and not intentions to hurt another person or being. Have a clean and good heart is key.

#3 How do I deal with feelings that I am not good enough so what is the point of doing good when I am not perfect? It is like being a hypocrite to myself. 

First of all, nobody is perfect. Second of all, never feel that you are being a hypocrite when you are doing good. That is syaitan trying to sway you away from the right path. For example, syaitan will try to convince you 'why wear the hijab when you are doing some things wrong'. Well, you can work on the wrong thing but that does not mean you need to take off the hijab. Even if you are not perfect and commit certain sins, continue praying and making doa with the hope you can improve yourself. Be happy with what you are already doing and thankful for all your blessings in life. Yes, you might hope for more but for now, do what you can and keep adding to improving from time to time. Syaitan also makes you feel waswas and overwhelmed that you stop trying. Do not stop doing the good you are already doing with fear that you are not good enough. Never. Make prayers that Allah purify your intentions and remember that Allah does not burden anyone with more than what they are capable of doing. 

Finally, please do not be too hard on yourself. Everyone has different capabilities, be accepting of yourself. Ask Allah humbly for ease and help.

Hope you enjoyed reading this short summary of my notes from the talk today :) May it be beneficial to many of you and any questions, let me know. Have a pleasant week ahead, lots of love xoxo