Improving Your Love Life

Dear all,


How is everyone doing? Oh how I miss writing here, I seriously have been absorbed in my world of studies and the life of being in London that I have had less quiet, free time to be able to blog. I am so happy to write and hope everyone is doing very well.


I do not know where to start. As for my life updates, this is my third year in the UK alhamdulillah and I am enjoying it more and more. You know like one of those situations when you don't really appreciate it too much at first then you learn to like it and actually grow fonder of the thing/person/ place? That's exactly how I feel being here in this beautiful country where I have learned to be more independent and nurture myself.


Although I have grown fonder of being here, it does not mean that I miss my loved ones less. I actually had a dream last night being at my grandma's house and having the toddler version of my baby brother on my lap while watching TV. You know how adults generally stay or look the same but little kids grow so fast, my mind is taking quite some time to absorb the fact that he is a young boy now and not a little baby anymore hehe.


Speaking of loved ones, today's topic is going to be around this theme. Plus, Valentine's day is just around the corner. If you read my short story that got a little extra attention a couple of years ago: Teenage Life is Full of Drama, then you know I have a tendency to post a love-themed post in February.


Exactly a week from today, its going to be three years since I first dated my <3. I will be referring to that symbol and I guess most of you know what I mean. Alhamdulillah, I am always thankful and feel blessed for that. If you know me well, you will know that I am not a person who speaks or elaborates too much on the topic unless asked. It makes me a bit embarrassed but today I think it is important that I mention this because there may be some women out there who might benefit from this sharing.


I have never been in a relationship before this although maybe scandals, teenage drama things like this. Studying and family are my priority as well as my close friends and I did not want somebody to change that. If anybody asked me "when do you think you will have a boyfriend", I would say most probably when I start working or maybe at university, I am not too sure. But what I believe is that just like a butterfly that only lands on you when you are not watching, I relate this to meeting your soulmate as well. It usually happens when you least expect it to be and with an open and mature mind, more good will come out of it than bad. If you ask me about the ideal age about being in a relationship (please do not get offended people as this is only my personal opinion and it could be different ages for different people), I would say its not the age that matters but the level of maturity and that differs for different people but generally people are more mature in their 20s. I know some people who have been in a stable relationship in their teens and have it work well but those are a few lucky, rare ones. I personally was too busy with my study life and juggling with all my other activities like drama, debate, family, prefect, prefectorial board, sports, extra classes and much more so I didn't see myself being in a relationship that time. Plus, I was only interested in serious relationships and being in that situation too early would be overwhelming.




The main problem I realise that some women face is that they do not have a stand and their own firm, opinion about things, letting others make the decision for them or convince them to do things that they do not want to do. The reason why this usually happens is when you do not know yourself well enough and still discovering your identity, personality, likes, dislikes and this takes time. You do not know everything about yourself instantly, speaking from experience and with time and experience, the puzzle pieces fit together. I know this sounds pretty general so I will give an example. Person A dreams of being in a steady relationship with a good guy, she does not put any physical criteria (although good looks would be a bonus) but the person will need to be someone mature, understanding of her current status as a student, have good intentions, trustworthy, makes her feel good and COMPATIBLE (I am highlighting this and come back to this point later), responsible and reliable. Person A knows that nobody is perfect but ideally, these general characteristics will help build a stable and healthy relationship between the two. So 3 key things that this lady has done to ensure success in her future relationship are:


1. She recognises her rights in determining key aspects of a person that she expects of. This is not demanding, girls but this is putting a standard for yourself. Not necessarily a physical one, in this case, she was flexible with that but I have a friend who likes red-haired guys (rare I know haha) but eventually, if she meets her soulmate, she will accept the way he is.


2. She knows herself well and is clear about what she is looking for.


3. She is definitely mature, she knows nobody is perfect yet she understands that in order for a relationship to work, some of these criteria need to be met.




However, how do you tell if your partner or somebody you have met has the important aspects you are looking for. The short answer to that is you cannot. It takes time and you need to know each other well in order to learn and know more about the other person. The key thing is not to rush. I am not saying that a relationship is an easy journey speaking from experience. Sometimes the first year of knowing each other can be one of the most challenging parts because you are still figuring out each other's likes, dislikes, behavioral patterns. I honestly think it takes time and effort from both parties. The best time to tell if you are compatible is during a time of hardship. See how the other person responds. And one thing to bear in mind. Being in a good, healthy relationship is not all about your partner pleasing you and you sitting down, doing nothing and judging them. This is not all about you and your own happiness. You need to learn about your partner and do your part in making them happy and always always always let them know and show that you appreciate them. I cannot emphasize this more. Men generally like being adored and appreciated while women constantly need reassurance and attention. If you are a guy, reading this, yes no matter how many times you have said I Love You or any kind words, you need to repeat them in a kind, genuine way because most women need a constant reminder that they are in a good position.


When you are in a relationship, my advice is that when you have a problem, try to solve it together. If possible (if the situation is not too serious that it involves health or safety) then try to discuss with each other instead of consulting a friend for every little thing. Your friend does not know the both of you as well as you know each other so bear that in mind and if you are planning a future together, then its time that the two of you learn to solve problems together because life can be a bumpy ride.


And finally, I am not saying all this because I feel that my love life is perfect but I am sharing this information as a reminder that love is indeed a beautiful thing and it takes a lot of maturity, wisdom, good understanding, kindness and compassion to enable two different human beings to be closely associated with each other. With that, I end this post with warm wishes for a beautiful weekend.