Motivational article: Dealing With Expectations
Dear all, I hope you are all doing good. I know its almost the end of the year and exams are drawing near. As for me, a brand new academic year just started within a month ago. I know there are some unreplied comments, messages. Please bear with me and I will reply as soon as I can.
Today, my blog topic is one that most of you can relate to and that is expectations. If there is a word that I would like to eliminate from my dictionary (one that I rarely mention even) is the word 'expectation'. I feel like that word is slightly harsh or hard in a way. For example, I always think its better to phrase a sentence with "I hope that things will go well." versus "I expect things will go well." Well, I do start thinking if I hear this statement, what is the consequences then if that person's expectations are not met???" Ooooh I start to feel the tension and stress even imagining this scenario.
Then I think to myself, why did I decide to write this? It is not like I have had the word 'expectation' used towards me. I don't even remember when was the last time somebody mentioned it. The reason for me writing this is because I realised that there are 2 types of expectations; the verbal one and the silent one. And although I do not use that word quite often, the silent one is experienced quite frequent than I realise. And when people speak about problems, whether it is about lecturers, classes, friends, family, relationship or self-confidence for instance, more than 50% of the time, I believe that it has something to do with expectations either within yourself or with the other person.
Having expectations within yourself is not bad, for instance having 'Yearly Goals' or 'Career Plans' or even a daily or weekly schedule. Those are things that you expect yourself to get accomplished. That's wonderful, you are very organised indeed! The problem comes when you are unable to meet the exact plan that you made and guys, when I make a study plan, it happens to me very often. What is do is become flexible and plan efficiently. I will pick whatever is priority and do that first followed by whatever is extra. Also, I try to plan achievable goals and not something that would stress myself out and make me feel inferior of that achievement. No no, that's the last thing you want to do especially when you have a lot to accomplish. So, plan reasonably and although you have goals to achieve, be flexible to a certain extent. You know yourself better than anyone else.
Next, there is that silent expectation with another person. Although you do not verbally say to a friend "I expect you to do this and that" there is that sort of message that is expected to be mutually understood of what is nice and not nice to do to a friend. Trust me, having this expectation can actually hurt yourself. Let me give you a scenario when a friend is sick: A super nice person's definition of nice is 'Getting her friend a card, a hug and something to cheer them up when they are feeling down or ill', a moderately nice person's definition of nice would be 'Wish her a get-well-soon and suggest if there is anything you can do to help, just shout out' and a not-so-nice person won't say anything or even ask them to stay away so germs won't spread. Therefore, the definition of nice varies with different people and that is where the problem starts with this silent expectation.
Somebody may have thought they did nothing to offend the other person or even neutral feelings whereby the other party felt very hurt and upset. And usually this scenario happens between a person who could not care less what they did or said and another person who is relatively sensitive or super nice because then this person's definition of nice is really positive :) If people with these very different personality gets into a relationship, they would need extremely great mutual understanding and care to make the relationship last. Usually its the very nice with very nice and so-so with the so-so.
I have experienced this situation myself, quite a number of times actually but the key thing is to stay confident about yourself and to keep spreading positive energy and staying nice. I am not saying you need to be snobbish, but you really need to think how blessed and amazing you are and your life has been, how thankful you are to have good health and a family that loves you and true friends that care and genuinely accept you for who you are. There may be flaws and imperfection here and there, nobody's life is perfect and you accept your life for how it is because that is how God made it and that is really amazing :)
Feel lucky and happy for where you are, who you are, who your family and friends are, how you look, who you are with and whatever you are doing. Yes life can have been better if this and this and that but hey, life is not about being perfect. Its about being happy in an imperfect way and when you are able to accept and make the best of what you have, then only you will feel that positive acceptance which overwhelms you with happiness.
Have a nice weekend
Today, my blog topic is one that most of you can relate to and that is expectations. If there is a word that I would like to eliminate from my dictionary (one that I rarely mention even) is the word 'expectation'. I feel like that word is slightly harsh or hard in a way. For example, I always think its better to phrase a sentence with "I hope that things will go well." versus "I expect things will go well." Well, I do start thinking if I hear this statement, what is the consequences then if that person's expectations are not met???" Ooooh I start to feel the tension and stress even imagining this scenario.
Then I think to myself, why did I decide to write this? It is not like I have had the word 'expectation' used towards me. I don't even remember when was the last time somebody mentioned it. The reason for me writing this is because I realised that there are 2 types of expectations; the verbal one and the silent one. And although I do not use that word quite often, the silent one is experienced quite frequent than I realise. And when people speak about problems, whether it is about lecturers, classes, friends, family, relationship or self-confidence for instance, more than 50% of the time, I believe that it has something to do with expectations either within yourself or with the other person.
Having expectations within yourself is not bad, for instance having 'Yearly Goals' or 'Career Plans' or even a daily or weekly schedule. Those are things that you expect yourself to get accomplished. That's wonderful, you are very organised indeed! The problem comes when you are unable to meet the exact plan that you made and guys, when I make a study plan, it happens to me very often. What is do is become flexible and plan efficiently. I will pick whatever is priority and do that first followed by whatever is extra. Also, I try to plan achievable goals and not something that would stress myself out and make me feel inferior of that achievement. No no, that's the last thing you want to do especially when you have a lot to accomplish. So, plan reasonably and although you have goals to achieve, be flexible to a certain extent. You know yourself better than anyone else.
Next, there is that silent expectation with another person. Although you do not verbally say to a friend "I expect you to do this and that" there is that sort of message that is expected to be mutually understood of what is nice and not nice to do to a friend. Trust me, having this expectation can actually hurt yourself. Let me give you a scenario when a friend is sick: A super nice person's definition of nice is 'Getting her friend a card, a hug and something to cheer them up when they are feeling down or ill', a moderately nice person's definition of nice would be 'Wish her a get-well-soon and suggest if there is anything you can do to help, just shout out' and a not-so-nice person won't say anything or even ask them to stay away so germs won't spread. Therefore, the definition of nice varies with different people and that is where the problem starts with this silent expectation.
Somebody may have thought they did nothing to offend the other person or even neutral feelings whereby the other party felt very hurt and upset. And usually this scenario happens between a person who could not care less what they did or said and another person who is relatively sensitive or super nice because then this person's definition of nice is really positive :) If people with these very different personality gets into a relationship, they would need extremely great mutual understanding and care to make the relationship last. Usually its the very nice with very nice and so-so with the so-so.
I have experienced this situation myself, quite a number of times actually but the key thing is to stay confident about yourself and to keep spreading positive energy and staying nice. I am not saying you need to be snobbish, but you really need to think how blessed and amazing you are and your life has been, how thankful you are to have good health and a family that loves you and true friends that care and genuinely accept you for who you are. There may be flaws and imperfection here and there, nobody's life is perfect and you accept your life for how it is because that is how God made it and that is really amazing :)
Feel lucky and happy for where you are, who you are, who your family and friends are, how you look, who you are with and whatever you are doing. Yes life can have been better if this and this and that but hey, life is not about being perfect. Its about being happy in an imperfect way and when you are able to accept and make the best of what you have, then only you will feel that positive acceptance which overwhelms you with happiness.
Avoid expectations too much I would generally say and stick with positive people because positive energy is contagious ;) so spread it around!
Have a nice weekend
Assalamualaikum!~ I'm a form3 student & will be in form4 next year, so I'm confused whether to move to another school like SBP or just stay at where I am. Can I ask something? In your opinion, which is better? Staying at hostel or home? It's because I don't have any experience about staying at hostel yet. So, I'm kind of afraid to stay there. I might feel that everythings will be so hard and I'll be like " how to do this and this? " and awkward to meet my new friends *I'm not good in communicating with people actually* then I'll feel like I'm doing this alone and will be so lonely. Also there will be so many students that are more clever & better than me. So, I might feel like " I shouldn't move to this school, I should just stay at my old school & try my best to achieve my goals ". This kind of feeling will always be in my mind and... Yeaa, I cannot describe anymore :'( So, I hope you can give me a little advice to your junior since you have experienced a lot. And may I know sis, in your secondary school, you stayed at hostel or not ? Thank You sis :)
ReplyDelete*sorry that my English is broken*
Waalaikumsalam Marjan :) Sorry for slightly late reply. In my opinion I would definitely suggest you stay at your older school unless is there a very good reason that you should go to the SBP? Like you current school has lot of discipline problems or the quality of teaching/education is not too good? I just stayed at home and never stayed in hostel until I started my degree and studied abroad. I like to be around my family because it makes me happy and I believe feeling happy is important to success studying. All the best and hope you make the best choice. If you are still not sure, pray to Allah and make solat istikharah. Take care!
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