How to Maintain a Good Relationship with People
Dear all,
Today's motivation topic is focused on developing and maintaining a good relationship with the important people in your life instead of my usual self-development topic.
In this world, yes it is important to focus on your self-motivation, ambition, etc but at the same time, I believe that it is crucial to have a good relationship with people because different people play a different role in your life. Having a good personality, the ability to get along with people and to be beneficial to others is definitely an achievement and something to be proud of.
Starting a close relationship with people is not that easy and maintaining it is actually said to be even challenging. But if you ask me, once I become close with someone and really enjoy their presence, I would personally want to maintain a good relationship with them and definitely not lose them. To me, catching up, helping each other, making the effort to see and attend gatherings together and sharing about each others' lives is interesting and should not be considered a burden. Its something I 'want' to do and not 'have' to do.
People in this context can be referred to as close and distant family, love of your life, friends and neighbours, students, teachers, etc. Yes, I admit that keeping in touch with every single person may not be easy or possible, but its worth trying. At times, I do feel like I am the one trying to maintain a good relationship with someone and the person is taking it for granted. For instance, you have to initiate everything and at one point, you are like "if they want to keep the friendship, then they should play a role as well and you should not let it affect you tremendously." If we draw apart, then at least I know that I have tried and done my part.
You also need to understand that people can hurt you, intentionally or unintentionally. It could be somebody you are close to and love or it can be someone who is not so close to you. It hurts more when the person is somebody close compared to the latter. This is why God said put all your hope and maximum love for Him and nobody else. This does not mean that you do not need to love and care for people. Its only the opposite :) God asks you to love people but He reminded us that humans are fragile and have the potential to disappoint and hurt you. That is why God wants us to out Him first because then no matter what happens and whoever hurts you, they will not reach their objective because your heart and feelings are shielded by your love for God. With this in mind, even if your close friends or family hurt you, you are able to forgive them because the One you love (God) is still right there for you and listening. I always try to think that when people act negatively to you in a particular way or does something you dislike or appears to purposely hurt you, it means that they have had people doing things like that to them. They have experienced being treated like that so they feel like doing it to another person as revenge or something. This is not a good attribute definitely because you are intentionally hurting people. However, I always try to think that I am not a perfect person myself and I may have offended another person without realising as well. That is why I try to forgive and forget :) Also, we should not 'bersangka buruk' this means that we should not assume that the other person has bad intentions against us if we are not entirely sure. It may be our own feelings and it will be sinful to to do so especially if that person actually had good intentions.
Let me give you a few examples so it will be easier to understand. Hurtful things that a friend can do are forgetting your close friend's birthday, cancelling something both of you have planned at the last minute, lying to each other, bragging or purposely doing something that you know would hurt your friend and ignoring your friend's messages or phone calls and many more. These are the most common examples that people seem to do and not realise that it is actually building a negative character in addition to weakening the relationship with the other friend if it is done repeatedly. When I experience one of the above, the first thing I do is try to forgive and look past it. If the person is a good friend, then I know that the good things he/she has done outweighs some of the hurtful ones. Or, the person might have had a bad day or in a difficult situation that day to the point that communicating with others would make it even worse. Or, the simplest reason is people are either busy or simply make mistakes.
Being nice to people despite how they treat you will make them love and appreciate you even more. Remember that God promised, every time you feel pain or hurtful things in this world, it either erases your sins or you will be granted a certain reward in the hereafter. Isn't that just beautiful? Wouldn't you feel blessed in a way whenever you feel hurt and remain patient? It builds your character in a positive way, while the opposite happens for the other person. A good character and a good heart is what defines a good person, not physical beauty alone. Isn't it wonderful to look beautiful to God?
Nobody enjoys being hurt, not me, not you. But what keeps us going and stronger is what remains in store for those who are patient and treat people well. How does all of this relate to my topic? Well, it is the ability to deal with these hurtful things that keeps a relationship with another person long and strong. Letting go too easily or being impatient will only make you sad and regretful. If the relationship you have with that person (especially family) is very important and precious, then do your part to keep it. Put aside any ego or selfish feelings. Remember how many times God has forgiven you for your sins and given you a second chance. Unless you are a perfect person, then embrace every single person you love no matter how, why, what and when they hurt you.
So in order to maintain a good relationship with people, I would sum it up in 3 words:
Patience, Understanding and Love
Today's motivation topic is focused on developing and maintaining a good relationship with the important people in your life instead of my usual self-development topic.
In this world, yes it is important to focus on your self-motivation, ambition, etc but at the same time, I believe that it is crucial to have a good relationship with people because different people play a different role in your life. Having a good personality, the ability to get along with people and to be beneficial to others is definitely an achievement and something to be proud of.
Starting a close relationship with people is not that easy and maintaining it is actually said to be even challenging. But if you ask me, once I become close with someone and really enjoy their presence, I would personally want to maintain a good relationship with them and definitely not lose them. To me, catching up, helping each other, making the effort to see and attend gatherings together and sharing about each others' lives is interesting and should not be considered a burden. Its something I 'want' to do and not 'have' to do.
People in this context can be referred to as close and distant family, love of your life, friends and neighbours, students, teachers, etc. Yes, I admit that keeping in touch with every single person may not be easy or possible, but its worth trying. At times, I do feel like I am the one trying to maintain a good relationship with someone and the person is taking it for granted. For instance, you have to initiate everything and at one point, you are like "if they want to keep the friendship, then they should play a role as well and you should not let it affect you tremendously." If we draw apart, then at least I know that I have tried and done my part.
You also need to understand that people can hurt you, intentionally or unintentionally. It could be somebody you are close to and love or it can be someone who is not so close to you. It hurts more when the person is somebody close compared to the latter. This is why God said put all your hope and maximum love for Him and nobody else. This does not mean that you do not need to love and care for people. Its only the opposite :) God asks you to love people but He reminded us that humans are fragile and have the potential to disappoint and hurt you. That is why God wants us to out Him first because then no matter what happens and whoever hurts you, they will not reach their objective because your heart and feelings are shielded by your love for God. With this in mind, even if your close friends or family hurt you, you are able to forgive them because the One you love (God) is still right there for you and listening. I always try to think that when people act negatively to you in a particular way or does something you dislike or appears to purposely hurt you, it means that they have had people doing things like that to them. They have experienced being treated like that so they feel like doing it to another person as revenge or something. This is not a good attribute definitely because you are intentionally hurting people. However, I always try to think that I am not a perfect person myself and I may have offended another person without realising as well. That is why I try to forgive and forget :) Also, we should not 'bersangka buruk' this means that we should not assume that the other person has bad intentions against us if we are not entirely sure. It may be our own feelings and it will be sinful to to do so especially if that person actually had good intentions.
Let me give you a few examples so it will be easier to understand. Hurtful things that a friend can do are forgetting your close friend's birthday, cancelling something both of you have planned at the last minute, lying to each other, bragging or purposely doing something that you know would hurt your friend and ignoring your friend's messages or phone calls and many more. These are the most common examples that people seem to do and not realise that it is actually building a negative character in addition to weakening the relationship with the other friend if it is done repeatedly. When I experience one of the above, the first thing I do is try to forgive and look past it. If the person is a good friend, then I know that the good things he/she has done outweighs some of the hurtful ones. Or, the person might have had a bad day or in a difficult situation that day to the point that communicating with others would make it even worse. Or, the simplest reason is people are either busy or simply make mistakes.
Being nice to people despite how they treat you will make them love and appreciate you even more. Remember that God promised, every time you feel pain or hurtful things in this world, it either erases your sins or you will be granted a certain reward in the hereafter. Isn't that just beautiful? Wouldn't you feel blessed in a way whenever you feel hurt and remain patient? It builds your character in a positive way, while the opposite happens for the other person. A good character and a good heart is what defines a good person, not physical beauty alone. Isn't it wonderful to look beautiful to God?
Nobody enjoys being hurt, not me, not you. But what keeps us going and stronger is what remains in store for those who are patient and treat people well. How does all of this relate to my topic? Well, it is the ability to deal with these hurtful things that keeps a relationship with another person long and strong. Letting go too easily or being impatient will only make you sad and regretful. If the relationship you have with that person (especially family) is very important and precious, then do your part to keep it. Put aside any ego or selfish feelings. Remember how many times God has forgiven you for your sins and given you a second chance. Unless you are a perfect person, then embrace every single person you love no matter how, why, what and when they hurt you.
So in order to maintain a good relationship with people, I would sum it up in 3 words:
Patience, Understanding and Love
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